you come across incredibly arrogant with your 10 rules of dating. Love is love bar all exceptions and reasons.
I knew this would be coming.
What a disgusting use of the word “love”.
Infatuation knows no reason. Real love takes years of trust and shared experiences to develop.
How can you share anything with someone you have nothing in common with?
Do you have a type? Would you date a 30 stone (420lbs) cripple who you have nothing in common with? We all have standards. Anyone who doesn’t is lying or extremely insecure.
Just being straight or gay is alienating half the world’s population.
I’m not saying I want to bag myself a supermodel millionaire who dabs in comedy. I just want an equal.
You may have also missed the fact I’ve dated guys that don’t meet many of those ‘rules’ I’ve set. And that my last rule basically allows me to break all the rules. It’s all very light-hearted. More of a ‘guide’ than a bible.
After a lot of dating, I’ve kind of figured out what makes me happy and likely to wish to commit to someone.
Yes, I’ve had feelings for vegans, unemployed, living-at home, insecure types before. But being with them makes me miserable and the relationship ends up being all about them.
I reserve the right to be happy when I decide to commit to someone.
The other day, I was talking to one of my best friends about how after a year of dating non stop, it’s surprising I am not yet in a relationship.
- But… you don’t want a boyfriend really, do you? - she said.
That said, there is more to it than that.
Yes, as my friend very wisely pointed out, I’m not here waiting for a man to save me and make me ‘whole’. But if someone amazing turned up at my doorstep tomorrow, I would totally be happy to attempt all this exclusive dating malarkey.
The problem is that I have a long checklist of must-have’s and I seem to date in the wrong circles for that list to be fully ticked.
So from now on, and applying what I’ve learned during my last year of dating, I’m making up 10 new rules to follow:
1 - No boys that still live at home.
I left home when I was nearly 20. I’ve supported myself since then, minus the tuition fees my parents paid for at university. If a guy still lives at home past a certain age he’s probably a mummy’s boy. I’m nobody’s mum.
2 - No one on the dole or living near the poverty line.
This applies to most boys in bands I know. Who normally live at their parents (double whammy). I’m not exactly looking for a sugar daddy, but if a guy can’t support himself, I’m not going to either.
3 - No one under 25 or past 35.
Live and learn. Boys below 25 (bar exceptions, who I’m yet to meet) are too inmature. Guys above 35 are too emotional and needy.
4 - No guys with insecurity issues.
I’m done with these. I’m not here to save anyone. I don’t want to play agony aunt in a relationship.
5 - No guys that have a flock of girls around them as a mechanism to cope with their insecurity.
Heavily linked to #4. I’m all for a guy having a ton of female (as well as male) friends. But when someone has about 15 girls around him that he has crushes on and that he uses to build their ego, you can never trust them. I can normally see through this.
6 - I can’t date a guy that doesn’t look after himself
I’m a gym bunny who thinks twice about what she puts in her body. These are my neurosis. If someone can’t share that we are not going to have much to talk about.
In addition, I’ve grown up amongst dancers, fighters, bodybuilders and the rest. A ‘soft’ body doesn’t do it for me.
7 - No vegetarians / vegans.
Great as friends. Difficult to date as a meat-obsessed human being.
Difficult to cook for. And I love cooking.
8 - No one under 5’11” or above 6’4”
It just doesn’t work out with me being 5’6” and living in heels. This is more of a nice value add than a must-have though.
9 - Must be the affectionate type.
This means 99% of English boys I know are out of the question. I like sex in the AM. I like hugging people at random times. And the odd arm around my waist when I least expect it…
This point makes me think of one particular American dancer who was just this lovely. You know, it’s nice to feel wanted. And this normally means guys like this are 10x better and less ‘mechanical’ in bed.
10 - I’m allowed to break my own rules if I think someone is worth it.
I have only met two guys this year that I would have seriously considered going out with. One met all the requirements but lives in NYC. The other one doesn’t meet # 1 & 2 (being a musician and all…).
But I honestly do not think I’m asking for the impossible here.
I didn't know that you had had a recent birthday! I wish you a most happy coming year. You've done many remarkable things over the last year, and will soon do many more. I wish you the best. Please don't be a stranger to my blog. <eHugs>
Oh I didn’t want to publicise it everywhere. It was a quiet yet exciting one. Thank you - your words mean so much! People remembering me was all I wanted for my birthday :) xx
I spent this weekend with my friend Valerie in Dublin. Her and I go way back from our old times working together in Manchester.
We terrorised the Manchester rock scene with some really mental nights out (and in). The amount of drama (some good but mostly bad) I’ve gone through with this girl would write enough chapters of Eastenders for the next 10 years.
But people change.
Valerie has now a great boyfriend, a gorgeous vintage decorated flat and happy life in Dublin. She really looked after me and welcomed me into her new life. She leads a chilled easy living far away from our old dramatic adventures.
I really wish her all the best. She is living proof that even the wildest of girls can settle down eventually.