Music, Sex Shows and Steak

Choices

I saw an ex for the first time in a while this weekend. One of the many guys that has been a total asshole at one point or another.
He looked awful and I’m sorry to admit that was an ego boost.

We barely spoke more than polite words. That made me realise I had to cut this persona-non-grata off my life. No angry feelings, I just don’t want pointless polite relationships in my life. And I really felt liberated once I made that choice. Why make an effort to get nothing back when so many other amazing people I love need my attention?

I did wonder what it would have been like if we had struck conversation and he had attempted to start something again. As unlikely as I knew that scenario was I wondered what I’d do or say. I now know what I’d say.

I’d say that I was never in love with him (truth) and that in fact I never really wanted a relationship at that time, even less so with him. He was hardly ever boyfriend material and he barely is these days. That I’m sorry that I used him. Not sexually, but as my emotional punchbag, to get over someone who I actually was (still am) in love with.

And I’d say that I’m a different person now, one who is actually slightly looking forward to a relationship, yet he’d never in a million years stand a chance again with me.

That’s what I would have said.